What do poker chips have to do with self-esteem? Just like poke chips, self-esteem is a resource. I learned this analogy from Jack Canfield's Poker Chip Theory of Learning.
How Poker Chips Resemble Self-Esteem
Think about a poker game. If you have 10 poker chips, and I have 100, who's going to play more conservatively? You will! I’ll be able to take more risks because I have more poker chips. It's not a big deal if I suffer some minor losses.
Translate that to self-esteem. If you think of the poker chips as past successes you've had, you get a picture of how much self-esteem you're playing with.
The more successes you have, the more self-esteem you have.
The more self-esteem you have, the more risks you take.
The more risks you take, the more you win.
Where They Come From
Just like poker chips, self-esteem comes from your past successes. When you recognize your past successes, you'll grow more confident.
Here's one of my past successes that I'm very proud of.
My Fiji Story
I got this button at a Tony Robbins event in Fiji.
The Challenge
To get the button, I had to climb a big pole the same height as a telephone pole. I then had to stand on it (the top was the size of a dinner plate). Finally, I had to jump off and try to grab a trapeze.
I'm sure you could imagine where my self-esteem was in that moment. I was nervous and had no confidence in my ability to complete the challenge.
Even though there were rungs on the pole I could use to climb, and I wore a safety harness, one problem remained.
The Problem
I’m afraid of heights.
Since no one was really forcing me to do, I tried convincing myself not to go for it. After all, what would jumping from a telephone pole really do for me?
When we got there, the staff put us into different groups. While everybody in my group got their harnesses, I kept thinking about how I wasn't going to do it. I let everybody keep going ahead of me.
While everyone in my group made the attempt, I became the biggest cheerleader. I was the loudest. “You can do it! Just keep looking up!” But the whole time I kept thinking, "I’m not doing it".
Even Mark, my husband, did it. Since he was a natural, he had all the self-esteem in the world. He scurried up that pole and managed to land the trapeze jump. (That is him in the pictures below.)
Eventually, I was the last one left.
I thought, "Oh gosh. Just go..." I couldn't refuse after I had been cheering everyone else on so loudly.
Without thinking about it, I climbed up the pole as fast as I could and didn’t even bother to enjoy the view. Then, I jumped. I wanted to get it over as fast as possible.
But guess what? I did it.
How It Impacted My Self-Esteem
At the end they gave me that big, red button. To this day, that button is a reminder that I am much more capable than I think I am. Whenever I see that button, it boosts my self-esteem so I can conquer any challenging standing in front of me.
I believed for so long that I couldn’t do it, but I did it anyway. It makes me wonder, how many people out there are refusing to acknowledge their past successes, find self-esteem, and overcome the obstacles in their way?
How many people are telling themselves they can't when really, they CAN?
If you can relate, I encourage you to try these strategies:
Self-Esteem Exercises
Reflect & Share
Take a moment to think about your past successes. Preferably, think of one you had before the age of 18. Focus on how you felt when you reached that achievement. Then, share why that was important, either in a journal or with a trusted friend.
Find a Self-Esteem Symbol
Think about a success symbol for you tied to a previous victory. Make sure it's something tangible. It could be a trophy, a letter, a special gift someone gave you, or a diploma. Remember the feelings you experienced when you got it. Put that success symbol somewhere you can see it regularly and allow it to remind you of your capabilities.
Whenever we remember our past successes, our self-esteem increases. Self-esteem comes from knowing we are loveable and capable, and this is just one way to remind ourselves of that truth.